Do you remember your very first friend? Do you remember how you started to talk to the person? where you being nice or did you’s end up being friends after having a fight?
Isn’t it strange how we make friends? As kids we have no social judgement, we don’t care what the other person looks like, how they are dressed, as young kids we just wanted to have another human to play with and fill out our days. As adults, we are more selective. We judge (ohhhh c’mon, you know fine rightly you do, it’s just part of being human!) people on where they are from, how they look, how they dress, if they smell, if they smile, if they have annoying habits, if they laugh too loud, if we connect. Because no matter what, above all else, we are looking, yearning even, for that connection.
We make “friends” at work, in social surroundings. If you’re one of the lucky one’s, your friendships from childhood are just as strong today as they were decades ago. There are people we just meet who we instantly click with, they gel with our personalities and lifestyles and the next thing you know, they’re your best friend & you’re part of their life.
I have asked it before though, what about the people we “meet” online. Those names, avi’s, personalities that are on our computers, laptops, phones and tablets. Those people who we share our daily lives with except we never meet them? Are they any less a friend than those we have face to face? What about those people who don’t have the social skills to meet people face to face, who find their cyber friends are it, they are the only people they have in their lives, they are the only ones that they have to communicate with? does it make a friendship any less because you cannot physically see them?
Friendships that start online on social media, develop to emails, to text messages and then phone calls? Are they any less than meeting someone for coffee, physically seeing the other person smile, how they smell, their eyes blink? as a race, we crave communication. we crave acceptance. but as a race we also judge, gossip and complain about people, so do people prefer to have online friendships so they can use their technology as a barrier?
Have people been hurt so much by their friends and loved ones that they feel they can’t meet people face to face, they don’t want to risk of rejection, hurt and emotional turmoil? And what about those who lost their friends from being in the wrong relationship, have had people give up on them and are simply put the person that everybody leaves? what psychological way does the brain work to prevent the physical and emotional pain.
When you meet somebody new as an adult, is there always a pressure for a man and female to see if there is an attraction to lead to a relationship or can we truly have a fully platonic friendship and not have ANY romantic emotions towards the other person?
No matter what or who you are becoming friends with, what do you want to get out of that friendship and how till that other person effect your life?
This is what goes through my mind at times, along with how I feel about HIM and why I get attached to easily to people and how I am the one people leave and how I get hurt and tired with all the shit, but if i’m honest, it’s not always so doom and gloom. It really isn’t.
I love having somebody to talk to that’s an adult, that’s not my kids, that’s actually MY friend and not friends with me and my kids because sometimes we need to be that little bit selfish. I love people who make me laugh, who I can be really sarcastic with and know I will not offend. That person who makes me smile and feel good, and I can just be me. I can be as dirty and twisted minded as i wanna be and i’m not judged, I can be as dry witted and quick off the mark with and the banter is just sooooooo good. I love having a person to tell me about their day and talk about the silly things amongst the serious.
I have this with HIM. He makes me feel like I’m me again. I am not mum. I am not the daughter. I don’t have the responsibilities of being an adult. Even though we talk about the kids, our parents, lives, jobs, homes, cars, all the adult shit, but we can have a laugh too. I can say something and immediately know he’s gonna twist it and our dirty minds will take it to the next level and you know fine rightly you’ll end up blushing scarlet and laughing till you snort. you get to be yourself.
I have learnt this year that I missed me. I truly missed me. I missed my personality, my character, it was like I was in denial about having lost myself, not enjoying my life, I was simply existing daily and not living. I was going through the motions and calling it a life.
HE reminded me, through helping him, what I can offer, who I am, what I believe in, what I want to work for, who I want to work for. A reminder of being a decent human being, that it’s ok to care. that it’s ok to say i’m not ok. and although this year, when people ask me if i’m ok and i tell them yes, even though i know i’m not, I have to learn it’s ok to tell a person when i’m not ok. because that’s what friends are for. They are there to help, to pick you up, to share a shoulder to cry on, to laugh along side you and hold your hand when you just need to be in silence but know you’re not alone.
If you have somebody like that, tell them how amazing they are, how much you appreciate them and love them. If you have a great friend, be it in person or cyber, let them know how you feel because they are gold dust. And remember, if you have a friend of the opposite sex, it’s perfectly fine to find them attractive, it’s only natural, but love what you have, don’t take them for granted for how they make you feel. how you love hearing their voice, seeing a smile, getting a hug, whatever way you communicate, love it.
Sometimes, we pick a person that we click with, because at the time of our lives that we are introduced to each other, they are there for a reason. So figure out what the reason is and embrace it. I think the reason behind HIM being in my life at the moment is to teach me a lesson. The lesson being that I know now I can feel those emotions again, I can be attracted to a guy and feel ok about it, I can laugh till I snort, I can be a sarcastic, dirty minded, sweary like a dirty sailor tomboy and feel good about who I am. my personality and character are solid and I appreciate him as friend even if that’s all we will ever be. That’s a hell of a lesson to learn.