I know where I stand with HIM, I really do, I’m the girl he can speak to on the phone and have a laugh, or tell me what’s on his mind and think things through with. We’re friends, that’s it, and honestly? I’m very happy that we are.

But (there’s always a but right??) I do like him. I love the sound of his laugh. it’s rich and hearty and makes me smile even more. I love his sleepy voice, it’s raspy and gives me goosebumps. I like the shape of his mouth & when he has a little gruff around his jawline, I like his eyes which I can only imagine get so much darker when he’s turned on. I love the dip in his collarbones and I love his tattoo (obviously) His fun line and the fact that his hands are sooo much bigger than mine. He gives you the impression he would wrap you up in his arms he’d protect you from the world but with both our dirty minds there would definitely be nothing vanilla.

When he tells  me he’s talking to other women my tummy drops. I’ll be honest, I get jealous, I have absolutely no need to, he doesn’t feel anything for me, he wants to meet someone and settle down and I’m sooooo not what he’s wanting, I guess as much as I’d like to meet someone too and we hit it off, he’s only ever gonna be a friend.

My walls have been up for so long now, I’ve locked my life behind them and used them as an excuse to never want to meet somebody. Guys have chatted and we have had a laugh but I never got the connection. no click. was that because I didn’t want to put myself out there? I’m 39 soon and I don’t want to live my life on my own.

Maybe HE has taught me that I’m ready to possibly put myself out there. I just need to take this time and get myself healthy, get the business finally up and running and then, we’ll see what happens.

I hope for both our sakes, we find the happiness we want but can still be friends.

HE’s one that I definitely don’t want to lose.



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