I have always been fiercely independent. I have fought to stand on my own two feet and even when it came to my relationships & parenting, I'd rather do it on my own and succeed than be in a bad relationship and feel like the sacrifices I had to make weren't to benefit the kids.
So now, I'm thinking, I'm facing nearly 10 years on my own. I didn't screw up the kids upbringing, I made my sacrifices and I stand by my choices and decisions, I worked my ass off, I help others, I encourage, support and defend everybody I'm loyal to. But I'm finding it hard when, at the end of the day, I'm going to bed alone.
I miss the cuddles, the pillow talk, the sharing of our day and your dreams and goals in life and I miss falling asleep with my head on a guys chest and hearing his heartbeat before he rolls us over and I'm the little spoon.
Watching first dates I'm thinking to myself fuck that's gonna be me someday, in my 60's, no sex for 30 years and I'm ready to put myself out there to have fun and 'companionship' cuz my kids have grew up and moved on. I don't want to have missed out most of my life because I'm a single parent but it's hard.
I'm all for being fierce and feisty, independent and solid but geez, I'm only human too!