We all need a little a clarity every now and then, to accept in our gut feelings and know to accept the things that have changed and stop longing for what was once there to return. This morning I had my clarity moment. What once would have been a conversation to me personally was now thrown open to others online. I’m not the person he comes to anymore. 

I miss HIM something shocking, but I’ve learnt that he’s let go. I get it. I knew when this started it was just two people who were alone, I guess using each other for a connection, to talk, to fill in that loss of connection, but it stings all the same.

What I’m sad about the most tho is, the dynamics of the friendship have totally changed, he’s holding back, I’m holding back because he is and so here’s this gap dividing us. It doesn’t look like he wants to fill it so I have to accept the fact that he’s done. There are no more messages, there are no more phone calls. Social media contact is limited. The silence a person gives you can speak louder than the words they may use. 

It’s only a matter of time before he leaves completely. I must adjust waiting for that, the pain that will hit me, the grief. But I should be used to it. I fail at it all, because no matter what I do, everybody leaves. 

Makes you question whether to keep trying or not

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