I never slept at all last night till nearly 7am this morning. I cried most of the night and my chest felt hallow.
I woke up at lunch time and stared at my mascara tear stained pillow case and asked myself “is this who I am?”
Am I the girl who cries over a person they’ve never met, who was a voice in their phone, who connected with somebody online who doesn’t even live anywhere near them? The answer is ‘obviously’ and does the fact that it’s an online friendship make it any the less important to me? No.
And will I cry every single night and lose sleep, drive myself crazy thinking about him, waiting for my phone to ring or my whatsapp notification to go off? No, no I don’t want that. I don’t want to be that person.
I’m on such a downer and I can’t seem to stop myself from sliding further into the dark. Tomorrow marks 21 days from our bust up. That’s 21 days of no phone calls. That’s 21 days of being ignored. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit…. maybe that’s so, but how long does it take for the pain to ease and happiness rise again?