I mean seriously, today I kept myself busy with the kids. Wouldn’t say HE wasn’t on my mind but I could function right.

This evening the kids and I were st the movies. And BAM! It was like HE just took over my headspace. 

How can one person do that? One person who became a big part of your daily life and then nothing. You know what it’s like?  It’s like grieving for somebody whose still alive. 

How do I stop my brain from constantly thinking of this guy cuz he’s made it pretty obvious to me now that he’s not gonna chat on the phone to me any longer. He’s done. 

So why can’t I stop? How has he became the replacement for D? I don’t need a guy, I’m not ready for a guy, but he wasn’t just a guy, he was a guy that I could totally be myself with. Do you know how fucking rare that is?  When you feel like you click & there’s freedom to just be you…. so I think that’s why I’m hurting so badly. I didn’t hide my personality, I didn’t hide my character, I didn’t feel the need to have my walls up. For the first time in nearly 8 years, EIGHT FUCKING YEARS, I could feel myself relax enough to let a guy in & he destroyed, absolutely oblivated me. 

So please, tell me, when does this get easier? How do I get over the loss of our friendship? 

Because it’s slowly killing me. When I’m truly me I know I’m not enough. I’m broken. 

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