So tonight I was sitting waiting for my son coming home from his sports club and of course HE was on my mind and I was thinking about the lack of communication….

It made me wonder, has HE deleted my number?

Is that why he’s not chatting? He’s still following me on my social media but then I thought he can’t have deleted my number if he’s still showing up as a contact on my what’s app but then I thought, well is that right because technically I have his number on my phone so if he’s deleted my number, will he still show up on mine? If that makes any fucking sense whatsoever!

It’s kinda made me feel ill tho. I mean, after months of chatting am I really that easy to disregard? And then I look at my other friendships and relationships and the answer is yes, yes I fucking am! I have absolutely no fucking idea what I do wrong tho!?!

This whole situation is completely fucking with my head. Nearly four years it’s taken me to get over D, but I never felt physically pained like I do now.  Funny how strangers can become such a deep part of our lives in such a short period of time.

It doesn’t matter how much I miss him, how much I wanna be chatting to him again, to have a laugh, it’s all changed now ain’t it. It’s tainted and sad and a little heartbroken, just like me.

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