HE is so frustrating and confusing me.

With absolutely no contact all last week, he liked and commented on my instagram post last night.  I replied because I’m not that much of bitch to ignore him, but maybe I should?

We don’t talk on the phone anymore, there’s no conversation online, there’s no messages. Yet no matter what I post up I know he’s looking at because he looks at my snaps, so if he’slooking at   them, he’s looking at my instagram. 

I don’t understand tho, why keep me as a contact if he won’t treat me as a friend? I know I wasn’t easy on the phone that day but fuck it I was angry, he hurt me more than he’ll ever know. Now, it feels like he’s judging me all over again. I try to get to a point where I accept he’s not talking to me, I try to find a way to put the daily thoughts of him locked into a box into the back of my mind, but he’s there. It never stops. 

And yes, I miss him. I miss his voice, his laughter, I miss how he made me feel when everything was good. I didn’t block him, I didn’t unfriend him, I just needed time to grieve the whole dilemma. Maybe that’s my fault, holding on to the bad because it’s the only thing that reminds me of the good.

I’m sure he’s not thinking of me, I’m sure he’s not starting a conversation with me online and then changing his mind, I’m sure now that I didn’t mean anything to him because you don’t treat the people you like in this way.

You know what the really sad thing is? I won’t unfriend him incase he talks to me again, but I know I’ll wake up some day and I’ll check my social media and he’ll have unfriended me. That day is the day he will have successfully broken me. That day will tell me I was truly nothing to him…. until then…. 

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