Do you ever start talking to somebody and they really are apt for a specific time in your life and after a while you have to admit to yourself they mean something, you have feelings for them?
A few years back, I made friends with a guy. He really became a huge part of my life then as he was so supportive and encouraging. It wasn’t that long after I’d split from my long term partner so I suppose I wasn’t in a place where I was very secure in myself. His words of encouragement were what I needed and we spoke somewhat regularly. He totally floored me. I became hooked. He ticked all my boxes and honestly he was a godsend at a time when I thought I was at my lowest.
It took me a long long time to finally have my heart and head reading off the same hymn sheet. It would never ever be anything more. He wasn’t attracted to me. He has his own life. We would never have been able to make it work even if he was interested and so I let go. And now it’s like he’s distanced himself completely and we don’t talk. Isn’t that sad how we click with people & yet sometimes they don’t stay part of your life.
My lesson was learnt. I learnt that I could indeed feel strong emotions again for a guy. I could learn to trust. I could be genuinely happy.
For the past few months now I’ve been chatting to another friend. He’s been going through a bit of a rough patch and we chat to help him clear his head. As it turns out, we’re now on the phone every single day or we txt every single day. Tonight he phoned before he went to sleep. He sounded exhausted so our convo wasn’t too long but I realised I really, really like his sleepy tone, like seriously, I just wanted to bite my lip and listen to his sleepy tone all night.
I’ve grown to love his laugh & he genuinely makes me laugh. I worry about him when he’s on his way home after a long shift. When I reread his messages I can’t stop the smile spread across my face. He takes a genuine interest in the kids and me. He calls or texts me every night, I get a txt every morning. He’s such a nice bloke. He gives me butterflies in my tummy. He makes me feel like I can believe in the magic. He’s a cutie too with deep chocolate eyes, which is so totally not my norm!
This is gonna hurt me big time when it ends. He’s gonna meet somebody closer to him and she’s not gonna want him chatting to me. He’s lives to far away, has his own life to lead there and all this will end. Of course it will, I’m no daft. I wouldn’t expect it to. But if I feel like I’m falling already…… I can’t be right? Yet I fall asleep every night, he’s in my dreams. I wake up he’s my first thought, I check my phone first thing for his messages, we talk for hours about everything and nothing. He is like my other friend but more, he’s sooooooo much more.
He makes me feel like being me is ok.
He encourages me to speak out & be heard
He makes me wanna be a better person.
He inspires me.
He likes my weirdness
He makes me giggle and again when I think of him.
This is gonna hurt