There are times when I miss being in a relationship. It’s not about the sex (ok, it’s not JUST about the sex) but the other ways to connect to a person. I miss waking up in the morning and starting my day off with snuggles and kisses behind my ear with my guy pulling me in closer to his chest. I miss the sleepy morning voices waking up and talking about what our day holds. I miss wrapping my legs and arms around a guy and telling him “5 more minutes” just so I can breathe him in and I miss the growl of contentment just before it changes to a growl of annoyance cause the snooze button’s went off again.
I miss the holding hands and bum slaps, I miss hearing his laughter linger loudly as his kiss can still be felt on my lips as he walks out the door. I miss coming home to somebody. I miss being able to walk towards my guy and see that he’s had a really hard day and just give him a hug and say hi. I miss the tracing of my fingers over his back while he’s concentrating on something or while he washes the dishes and I dry. I miss finding out what his day had in store for him and telling him about mine. I miss being able to vent to someone and tell them I don’t need help or anything fixed, and them know I just need to offload and I can trust them with my emotions.
I miss seeing my kids with a father figure. To know that feeling of a daddy wrapping his arms around their bodies and holding them till they can breathe in calm. I miss it. HIM. THEE GUY. and the saddest thing above it all, is that I know I won’t ever experience it. I won’t have it in my life.
But here’s what I love….
- I love when my two teenagers bombard me in my bed and make me laugh.
- I love being able to have a problem and know I can figure out a solution.. it may just take me a bit longer to do it.
- I love being able to close my front door at night and know my children are not in a family where they hide in their rooms because I’m arguing with “dad”.
- I love that I can double the love and I get double the pride when the kids knock life outta the park.
- I love the hugs my daughter gives me
- I love the forehead kisses my son gives me
- I love that I don’t feel like I have to walk on eggshells not knowing what “mood” was going to walk through the door.
- I love that I don’t have football on my telly!
- I love that I fight for my kids, be it from medical personnel to the education board. This mamma’s a bear when needs to be.
- I love that I have my independence.
- I love that I can give myself toe curling orgasms and catch my own damn breath
I may not have the social life I always envisioned I’d have and social media is my gateway to adult conversation without having to leave the house, because I can’t. It annoys me though that guys seem to think that because I’m a single parent and I’m a mum, that I seem to use social media to get dick.
Am I alone in this ???
If I wanted to see dick pics I’d watch porn. If I wanted to meet up for sex I’d go pull a guy in a bar. If I wanted to be dominated and controlled I’d find myself a dom!
Why do people think that because you’re single, you’re automatically desperate for some action when you are online?
Can’t a girl just meet new people on social media and talk, simply enjoy the conversation and have a laugh?
At times I wonder is it me? is it because I have a dirty mind I can turn a normal conversation in to that one you don’t want your parents to read? Is it because I like to laugh so guys think you’re flirting to get laid rather than that’s just who you are?
And then what happens when you do meet the guy you really click with and he’s nowhere near you and you just have social media and phone calls and emails and you know you’re never going to meet so you feel your heart breaking knowing that at some point you’re going to loose your friendship because he’s going to meet someone closer to him and they’re going to live an amazing life together and you’re still alone. Without him.
When I get to that part, and self pity kicks in, I get so angry with myself because I’m supposed to be stronger than that. I’m not supposed to get attached. I’m the person everyone comes to, to get advice and feel better about themselves before they leave and find someone else
But I am not weak. I am but only human. I can make mistakes as I would if I was in a relationship or still single. I can break down and feel the world on my shoulders. I can pick myself up and stand with my spine straight too. I can cry myself to sleep at night and wake up the next day with red puffy eyes and still put on my mascara and take on the day ahead.
I can fight and argue with everyone, both in the real world and online, I can say sorry when I make a mistake and I can fight my corner when I know I am right and didn’t do wrong. I can clothe my kids, feed them. Provide a warm roof over their heads and get them an education. I can take them to their social events and being them back and keep them safe. I can do that. I can do all that while still looking after everybody else and not lose my head.
I can do that.
I can look after people when they are ill. I can offer a shoulder for support for them to have somebody in their corner while I’m in the middle of cooking dinner and washing dishes while waiting for the kids to get a bath and feed the dog. I can do the mulitasking.
I can be mum. I can be dad. I can be them both at the same time. it’s not fucking easy but I can do it!
I can do with autism thrown in the mix.
I can do it with the fear of cancer and biopsy’s thrown in the mix
I can do it with two elderly parents who need looked after too thrown in the mix
So when I go online and I start to talk to somebody, I don’t need a man to tell me he’s looking for love and wants to know more about me, especially if he’s from another country, because for once, YOU have to be better than ME!
and there’s not too many who have the balls big enough to take me on.
So while I can dream of the lovely guy in the lovely relationship, as much as I want REAL and not PERFECT, they are both the same difference and I’ll not get either.
There’s a meme that says
“Don’t shower me with money, I can finance myself. Shower me with loyalty instead”
Amen to that.
Now that’s this single’s parents dream, along with being the little spoon!